Why the Rug Is My Happy Place
— Signed, Your Dog
Dear Human,
Hi.
It’s me.
Your dog.
I have something important to tell you about the rug.
It is mine.
I know you bought it.
I know you placed it there.
I know you keep saying, “Buddy, OFF the rug!”
But that is confusing, because my heart tells me it is definitely mine.
Let me explain.
1. The Rug Is the Softest Thing in the World.
I love it so much.
It feels like clouds.
Or pancakes.
Or clouds made of pancakes.
Why would I NOT lie on it?
Why would ANYONE not lie on it?
Sometimes I sprint across it just to feel alive.
Sometimes I flop on it like a fish that has given up on adult responsibilities.
Sometimes I sleep on it so hard I forget my own name.
This is normal.
I am normal.
2. The Rug Is Where All the Best Smells Live.
You can’t smell them, because your nose is… well, not great.
Not judging, just saying.
But trust me:
WOW.
So many scents.
So many mysteries.
So many secrets of the universe revealed in one glorious rectangle.
Sometimes I roll on it to absorb the smells into my soul.
This is not weird.
It is science.
3. Accidents? Yes. I Have Had a Few.
Listen, I try very hard.
But sometimes the excitement…
the joy…
the Zoomies…
they take over.
Maybe there was an accident.
Maybe two.
Maybe let’s not count.
I feel bad.
For like 4 seconds.
Then I remember the rug is still soft.
And I am still a good boy.
Right?
Right?!
4. The Cat Thinks the Rug Is Theirs. This Is Wrong.
The cat is lying.
The rug is not their throne.
It is not their kingdom.
It is not their “meditation mat.”
They do nothing useful on it.
They just sit and look mysterious.
I, on the other paw, bring enthusiasm.
And love.
And sometimes snacks I find under the sofa.
You’re welcome.
5. The Last Woof...
The rug is my happy place.
My playground.
My napping station.
My everything.
Please do not move it again.
It confuses me deeply.
Love,
Your Dog (Good Boy, Certified)
(A Note From Luv-A-Rug Services Inc.)
Dogs bring joy.
Dogs bring love.
Dogs bring… smells.
And when “rug kingdom activities” get out of hand, we’ve got you covered.
At Luv-A-Rug Services Inc., we offer guaranteed pet odor removal.
Not “citrus explosion.”
Not “lavender regret.”
Not “we tried to hide it, please don’t ask questions.”
Just a rug that smells like… nothing.
Absolutely nothing.
Like a fresh start.
Like it never happened.
Like your dog wasn’t enthusiastically doing dog things at 6:14 PM.
When your dog loves the rug a little too much,
we make the kingdom clean again.
